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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When your mom misses her mom, that’s totally understandable to you, so just address that: “I’m sorry, mom. I know you miss her. The holidays can be really tough when the ones we love aren’t around anymore.”

Like, why do you need to bring anything else to that? “Well, you shouldn’t miss her because sometimes she was passive-agressive, and that one time she forgot Carol’s birthday”? Like, what good does that do?

Your mom’s feelings can just exist. You don’t even have to acknowledge them. But you also don’t have to contradict them.

If you want or need to vent about this, clearly your mom is not a safe or appropriate place to do so. Talk to a trusted friend, a therapist, or a trusted peer cousin.[/quote]
This.  You don't need to correct your mom when she talks about how great her mother was.  Just empathize.  Like, why do you feel the need to tell her that you don't actually miss Grandma that much, or that Grandma sometimes threw guilt trips or said mean things?  Your mom is not the person to vent to about your grandmother; clearly, she finds it hurtful and feels the need to defend her mother, but what an absolutely crap thing to fight about.  Just drop the rope. [/quote]

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