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[quote=Anonymous]I've been estranged from my narcisstic, alcoholic father for 20+ years. I'm not in therapy now, but my therapist during that time was incredibly helpful in my thinking through the possibilities short of full estrangement.

In my case, it was not possible to set any boundaries or limits that my father would respect. I think it's reasonable to try the boundary-setting, but for narcissists, they can't (or won't) recognize that they are at fault, so at least in my experience my father would run rough-shod over every boundary I tried to set.

I loved my father, too -- it was hard because he was a pretty great dad when I was young, and got worse and worse over time as his alcoholism got worse and as he went off the deep end with right-wing conspiracy theories, corresponding with my growing into a teenager and a young adult with my own views and opinions as opposed to an adoring child who just looked up to my father.

I grieved the end of our relationship like crazy. My therapist helped me understand that part of that grief was letting go of the fantasy that my dad would love me more than he loved his attachment to behaving in ways that hurt me repeatedly and that I'd asked him to stop. I am sure my cutting my dad off hurt him, but it was the only way to stop him from hurting me, so I had to do it.

I've never regretted it -- I do regret that my dad couldn't or wouldn't stop his awful behaviors, but I gave him years worth of chances to do so and I was just done. [/quote]

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