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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you are in love with a fantasy. That said, do this --- and it's only an example. Call her every Thursday at 7:30pm and talk for 10 minutes. See her -at a neutral location so you can get up and leave - for 20 minutes the first Saturday of every month. Whatever. You decide. She doesn't decide. You decide. Pick a schedule you can endure and be consistent. Very consistent. Always end the "visit", always to align with your schedule. Never see her in a location that isn't neutral. Never provide her a ride. You must always be able to get up and leave and drive yourself away.

And never expect her to change, obviously.[/quote]

I posted before and I agree with all of this except stopping therapy. The therapist can help keep you managing the relationship. She/he can help you handle when your mom inevitably pushes boundaries, when she rages (if she does that) and she/he can give you more ideas to keep your wits about you when buttons are getting pushes.

Yes, to neutral location or in public. If it's at her home, hang out on the front porch where neighbors can see if it's warm enough. You need to be a situation where she doesn't feel too comfortable going into nasty mode. Regularity does help some difficult elderly so calling at the same time may work. Always have an excuse to leave in person visits and end a phone call if she acts up. If it gets to be too much, skip a week and see if she is better after that. I totally agree with never driving together. In fact, I cannot be in a car with my mother for fear I will get into an accident. Alone in an enclosed space she feels safe to throw verbal daggers in-between criticism of my driving.

Re:never expect her to change...yes and no. Keep expectations low, but you have a right to expect her not to cross a line and when she does you have a right to reinforce the boundary. You should be able to expect her not to raise her voice or hurl insults and if she does, time to exit stage left and skip a week or 2.[/quote]

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