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[quote=Anonymous]Thanks all. OP here and this has been helpful. We all have issues from our childhood and of course that is part of it, but I like the idea of depression over just childhood, since I don't think his childhood was that screwed up, knowing his family so well and them being so close. He is depressed. He went through a major career thing last year and it bought a lot of issues to light and he actually started therapy, which if you knew him, you'd know was so unlike him - he never believed in that before. So that has been a good step. Once we realized how rough things were with us (because kids can mask a lot of that) we started marriage therapy.

Maybe emotionally unavailable is a strong term. He is checked out but is showing signs of coming around. I ordered a book and am hoping to get some tips on how best to support him. I realize that berating him and crying etc. is not working! Duh - but it was so hard to hide my feelings when we first started uncovering the extent of the problems in our marriage. I had covered up and brushed over so much. He actually admitted in therapy that when he sees me so upset he feels helpless. That was HUGE but after that he totally downplayed it. So I'm trying to remain more calm and I've learned a lot about myself - I realize he can't give me the security I need right now not to feel like he is abandoning me, and I'm more okay with that. I have done a lot of work to realize my self worth, that I am in charge of my own happiness, etc.

He is trying, it is just so scary to see your husband drift away from you. But he is working and that is all I can ask for right now. Just wondering if anyone else went through/is going through this and what helped or didn't.[/quote]

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