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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Having been in relationships like this before, I started discussing with my therapist what the attraction for ME was to these emotionally unavailable men.  I suggest you may want to start there.  You cannot fix an man in his late 30's that doesn't want to be fixed.  I'm not saying give up on the marriage, I'm just saying spend more time on what got you to where you are now.  I'm sure the signs were there from the beginning.  [/quote]

Thanks. I don't think it's unfixable because though there were signs, there have also been signs of great connection. He is not the stereotype I have found in my research. My husband can and does cry. He does express himself. He is open to counseling etc. I have done a lot of looking at my patterns, I believe I married my father basically which is common. That said, my mom was very unhappy in her marriage she has revealed to me while her kids were young and my dad was out building his career. He had a horrible temper when he was in his 30s, etc. But over time, he matured into a wonderful man and husband. So I have hope.

I don't think our marriage issues are all my husband's fault. But over time, we have hurt each other and I am more aware of what is going on and my husband seems to have shut down. He is not aware of his emotions. But we've been working and he is getting there, it is a slow process. I have ordered some books which may help and like I said the therapy is helping. He is extremely sensitive which is why I fell in love with him. But that sensitive boy in his 20s has turned into an angrier man now that he has responsiblities, a family, pressure, and years of being in a relationship. So he, I, we, have some work to do.[/quote]

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