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[quote=Anonymous]He is the textbook case. I have been doing a lot of researching and was scared that he had deep issues, but lately the research I've uncovered and analyzing our situation, I've come to learn that this is more typical - there is a theory that men in society are taught as boys to suppress emotion, be tough, etc.

So not saying all men are like my husband, he is extreme, but just that he may not be all that far gone. We have been together about 12 years, late 30s, two young kids. We have major intimacy issues, he is very distant. Basically said he wanted a divorce, but was willing to go to marriage counseling. We've been working for a few months and things are better, counseling is going well. He has stopped the divorce talk, though it still hangs over us and he is not willing to take it off the table I can tell. But, we take one step forward, two steps back. He is doing some nice things for me, reaching out, but being very careful in his words so in that sense it is a mixed message. I believe he loves me, but he is so lost right now. I believe he is afraid.

He has always been very good at throwing himself into work, hobbies, and friendships, and in that sense I have discovered it was a way of distancing himself from me. It started early on in our relationship, after a couple of years when that infatuation stage ends and the "real love" intimacy phase which is harder is supposed to come in. What is weird is that he doesn't have any obvious childhood issues - I'm sure there are screwed up things from childhood (one example is that he was never allowed to lock doors etc. and I've read that can lead to problems because the child and later adult learns it's not okay to have private thoughts, etc. and can be damaging) but overall his parents are loving, etc. His dad was a tough disciplinarian I know that.[/quote]

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