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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can understand this. I have a toddler, but I find myself “martyring” myself (happily, mostly) to ensure he has fun and his needs are met. I think it’s normal to find enjoyment through our children’s happiness. Try to find happiness, friendships, and hobbies away from your children, too. Set yourself up for a full life. As your kids get older, their lives will move away from you, and you want to make sure the space they leave isn’t empty. [/quote]

My kid is in elementary school but I have the same thought process. I want to do everything I can for her but I am also aware that from here on out, she's going to be pulling away from me more and more to create her own life and that process is good and normal. I think it's really important to maintain hobbies that are separate from parenting (so not just hobbies I do with my kid, even though I have those too). I also specifically fight against what OP is talking about, where I just give up on my own appearance and self-care in service to my DD. We have a pretty tight budget for clothes and things like salon visits so it would be easy to do. But I always make an effort and make sure that I set aside some of the budget for these things to help replace items in my wardrobe or get a fresh haircut or invest in some skincare.

I definitely make sacrifices for my kid, but it's not total martyrdom. I still get to have a separate identity and my needs by definition must be met. Sometimes that just means getting some alone time or taking time on the weekend to go for a run or go see a museum exhibit I've been excited about.

Working also helps, even if my career is nothing particularly exciting at this stage. But just having a work life is, I think, beneficial. Even if you are a SAHM, I'd recommend doing some kind of job once your kids are school, even if it's just a few hours a week or on a volunteer basis. Work of any kind is a really good antidote to mommy martyrdom IME.[/quote]

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