Reply to I said some things to my mom

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I relate OP. My mother lashed out in such fury when I tried to get her to make plans for aging that don't just include me being at her beckon call. We have some really abusive and dysfunctional dynamics in our family for generations. I've gotten a lot of therapy to deal with aging parents issues, on top of life throwing many stressors our way. Here is what helps me besides therapy:

1.) My husband and I have many inside jokes about it all and we watched shows like "Arrested Development" because the mother is so much like our mothers (but much more endearing than our moms)

2.) exercise and eating healthy

3.) Accepting this is my life. I didn't ask for it. I am not responsible for her happiness. I cannot be her target. I just set boundaries and keep stepping back. I run things as much as i can from beside the scenes and get paid strangers involved with her so she behaves.

4.) Don't share with people who don't get it. Some people have empathy, some assume it must be your fault. Don't waste energy on those who don't get it.

5.) Break the cycle...which i am sure you are.

6.) Step back and observe. I almost go outside my body when mom rages or sends a nastygram by text. I make my boundaries clear, but I also from a distance look at it and think about how utterly disturbed she is. I used to put her on a pedestal and blame myself. [b]Now I see her more like one of those really yappy, irrational dogs who hates everyone, growls and can't cope with dog life. I want to be the dog that greets everyone in a friendly way and just enjoys life[/b].[/quote]

:lol: [/quote]

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