Reply to I said some things to my mom

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[quote=Anonymous]I don't even know how to get into the complicated dynamics- but I was emotionally (and sometimes physically) abused as a child. My parents divorced young- and they had a lot of problems. I actually moved in with another family member when I was teen.

I'm in my early 50s, and totally estranged from my dad. I see my mom 2-3 times per year, she lives about three hours away.

Anyway, I tried to talk with my mom about her plans for getting older- she's in her mid seventies and in good health, but her condo has stairs and she's on a limited income. She got upset and took the opportunity to state that I don't care about her, and show no concern for her, and all of her friends are appalled at how terrible I am to her, etc. I think she was disappointed to hear the subtext that "she needs to think about her plans, meaning that I'm not the plan."

I let it go, until she started posting passive aggressive things on FB about how people should be treated (yeah, I know). It was triggering because she used to say terrible things to me when I was growing up and she would lose control and start hitting me. She was neglectful to the point that my clothes were dirty and I smelled. I could never have relied on her for any kind of crisis and she made it clear that if I caused her any trouble at all, she was going to hand me over to my dad.

I told her that her friends (these are church friends) think I'm terrible because they don't know who she is. I guess I need to vent-- I feel bad because she's old and lonely and stressed about the future. There was no point to it at our ages. [/quote]

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