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[quote=Anonymous]OP,  My stepson was similar to this, and my DH had so much guilt over the divorce and ensuing custody battle that he kept trying to "save" his son into his early 20's.  You know what eventually worked?  Letting him hit bottom.  I think you have put a lot into showing your son that you love and care for him, but at this point, he is capable of making choices with consequences you can't save him from (being busted for drugs, getting involved with shady friends, being unemployable without a diploma, risky sexual behavior and possible pregnancy or STDs).  The best thing you can do is to set some limits that require something of him, and let him hit rock bottom now, while he's likely to get off easier as a young man with no serious record, rather than letting little things build up so that when he eventually screws up, they throw the book at him.

So I agree with the advice of saying:  We will provide you with a bed to sleep in and food to eat.  If you want to use the house phone for local calls, you may.  If you want to watch TV in the family room, you may, provided you are courteous to others in the family room.  If you want to use the family computer, you may, provided you are a courteous user, and respectful of the shared space.  If you want new clothes, a cell phone, food other than what we provide, your own computer or tv, or anything else, you can get a job and pay for it.  If you need a way to get to the job, we will provide a bicycle and a map of the bus/Metro system.  If you are physically aggressive with any member of this family for any reason, you will not be welcome in our home for a period of 6 months, at least.

Let him face the real consequences, and he will either make better choices, or continue to make terrible choices, but without the power to hurt your younger kids.[/quote]

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