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[quote=Anonymous]I like this board.  The parents who post here have a lot of good things to say from every side of the fence.  I need advice, as much as I can get.  Things are getting pretty complicated in our house.  In a nutshell, we are a house of 2 parents and three kids.  We are both lawyers, but I stopped working when the kids were small to spend more time in the home.  We have a solid as a rock marriage with mutual respect, very little turmoil.  Our two younger kids (boy and girl) are both in high school and doing well and pretty easy going, functional kids.

Our 17 year old son is the center of our issue.  He has had issues since middle school.  He was diagnosed with ADHD and Oppositional Behavior at age 13, but has never been compliant about any medications.  He has had issues with aggression and anger at home and at school.  He has been in therapy with different psychiatrists and psychologists since age 13.  He tries to manipulate every therapist he sees and typically refuses to go to therapy.  He has gone to two boarding schools (he was kicked out of one). He has also been to wilderness therapy.  There have been issues with some drugs (we drug test now).  He has been in some juvenile trouble and is currently on probation.

When he is in our home he is rude and non-compliant about every single issue.  He acts like he is entitled to so much even though we have tried hard throughout his life to set limits and not indulge him.  We all walk on eggshells around him, waiting for him to explode.  He expects us to wait on him (we don't).  Give him rides everywhere (we will try to help him out when he is pleasant).  He laughs at our curfews, etc.  He steals from us and has destroyed things in our home.  He has threatened me for speaking to other mothers.  I am afraid that he would hurt me or his siblings.  He's already hit his father before.

Our immediate issue is this.  He turns 18 in a few months, but will not graduate high school until next year (best case).  He has told us that he refuses to go to summer school to catch up or go back to boarding school to finish high school.  He expects to live in our home, come and go as he pleases, follow no rules, not help out and take his time figuring out how he's going to finish high school, etc.  He is saying that he wants to go into the military.  We know that we cannot allow his siblings to live in the kind of war zone they have been living in.  Does anyone out there have any ideas or insights about how to handle a kid who will be an "adult", but cannot take care of himself.  When he turns 18, should we ask him to leave?  I fear that things with him will just get wilder than they already have been.

We have tried hard to love and support him.  We are not perfect parents and the last few years have worn us out.  I am embarrassed that we have turned out to be such ineffective parents for him.  We have tried so hard.  We are running out of ideas.[/quote]

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