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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My defiant kid finally grew up and is attending a great law school.  He has a wonderful sense of humor,  lots of friends and a super sweet girlfriend that he treats well.  This is the same kid that ruined pretty much every vacation and family outing because he didn't want to be there, fought/argued with us about everything under the sun from a young age.  We never gave up on him and he appreciates us a lot more now.  He knows what a PITA he was....we can joke about it now but yeesh.[/quote]

Thank you for this. My son makes me think twice about every outing. We stopped going to restaurants even before Covid because it was just not worth it. He will not listen to teachers and I get constant complaints about his behavior and that he doesn’t care about consequences. He can be very sweet and loving though. [/quote]

There is a line between defiance and antisocial behavior. I completely get that defiance itself is challenging to live with but does not equal not successful in life.  I was probably pretty defiant and my DDs are as well.

That said, pay attention to whether the child can maintain friendships/relationships, even if teachers and parents are constantly aggravated.  The "doesn't care about consequences" is what concerns me.  Yes, my ADHD with anxiety child does not care about consequence that are not important to her, but that does not mean she does not care about consequences at all. My DD cares very much about her relationships with her friends and has put in a lot of work to develop friendship skills that did not come naturally to her (remaining calm, learning to put disappointments into perspective).  I have an in-law that is estranged from the family who likely has antisocial personality disorder. He does not care about how his conduct impacts anyone but himself.  That is aggravating and very painful to watch and a reason to be concerned.  My understanding is that he was unable to maintain friendships his entire life despite being highly intelligent with substantial charm he could (can) turn on when it benefitted him.  He is now in his 40s and I tend to think that he could have benefitted from the mental health care that is available today.  They know a lot more and can have successful interventions.[/quote]

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