Reply to Kids living at home past high school

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do yours assume they can? Do you talk about it all through high school or after?

One of my teens is a very difficult person to parent and often a difficult person to be around. The other younger teen is easy going, level and pleasant. These have been their temperaments since birth.

The thing is, I don't want to allow older teen to continue living here. They are a high source of stress and household tension. I want younger teen to have some space. Try as I may to properly parent, bring in resources, give whatever I can, they are set on their chosen path. I can't expend myself to them indefinitely, it's difficult and depressing. I feel it's my responsibility to try at least until they're 18.

At one point I did imagine both kids would live at home during post secondary. Now I know that likely is not viable. At what point do you leave it up to them to figure out their own life/job/options? Do you have conversations starting in gr.11? gr.12?

Anyone else feel flat out no to the thought of their teens continuing to live at home? Some people have their adult 22-25 year olds still at home and it seems to work well and everyone seems happy. [/quote]

I really think this is dependent on your child's situation. My older teen sounds like your older teen. They have ADHD and anxiety, and although I love them very much, it makes for a lot of tension in the house.  My younger child also sounds like your younger child, very easy, mature and well adjusted. My older child will be a senior next year, and we are looking at small supportive colleges and/or discussing gap years. Not a gap year where they stay at home, but in a program where they can develop more independent living skills and social skills in a supportive environment without the stress of academics. We feel that staying at home and going to CC is also not a good choice for older child because it would just be a continuation of what is happening in home (me - the mother basically on their case about completing assignments, cleaning up after themselves, what feels like constant nagging and strains our relationship). We have worked hard to set up strong supports for them, including weekly therapy and medication, but things are still difficult. I don't feel like I can let them just go at 18, they will continue to need support and guidance, but I don't think that means keeping them at home if we have the resources to find a program that will support their transition into adulthood (which could be the right college or alternate program).

For my younger, I could see them living at home if they needed to after high school. They are already independent, mature and I am not worried that staying at home would affect their development.  However, they will most likely want to go away to college as they are already talking about it as an upcoming sophomore. In fact, on the college visits we are doing for older sibling, my younger is showing more interest and learning about the schools before we visit.  [/quote]

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