Reply to DW does EVERYTHING at home and complains constantly??

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Classic DCUM:

"My DH used to do things but I nagged, complained, and criticized everything he did. Eventually he gave up and stopped doing anything, and now I'm mad about that, but I refuse to acknowledge that my behavior had anything to do with it."

Learned helplessness, what is it?[/quote]

Here’s an example: my husband “helps out” by loading the dishwasher sometimes. But what he does is load super inefficiently, putting about half the dishes in, declares it full and starts it, leaving half the dirty dishes in the sink. He will often put one large pot or container in in lieu of 20 smaller items. I complained because this is stupid— clearly you should hand wash the large pot and not leave the sink full of small dishes. So he stopped helping with dishes and then says that I was too particular about it. Sorry if I think doing the dishes means ALL the dishes. In general, he will start a job and just do half of it to say he did something. [/quote]

Ugh, mine will "clean" the kitchen after dinner, but leave counters unwiped, food stuck on the stove and the trash overflowing. When i go behind him to do those things, he gets huffy and says I'm a control freak that has to have everything done my way. [/quote]

This is mine also.  Idiot.[/quote]

I’m a SAHM mom and this is mine too. It took a while but I have gotten out of the nag dynamic. You have to learn to see the dishes as percentage complete vs binary done or not done. I know he’ll never do all the dishes. He will do between 70-90%. So, I taught him what dishes to prioritize. I often run the dishwasher and extra time during the day even if it’s not full to make sure there will be more “room” when it’s his turn even though a competent person would fit more/hand wash the leftovers. If there’s a complicated pan I just do it myself. If I need the kitchen to be actually clean early in the morning, like if we’re leaving on a trip, I just do it myself. This means I do roughly 75% less of the dishes that are “his turn” than if I did it myself, which is pretty good!

No, I don’t really want to have sex with him any more. When we do have sex, I honest to god think about how he literally never cleans the counters sometimes. But I don’t nag him about it. [/quote]

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