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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ummm…Why did you pick up the rope in the first place?

My husband has always been in charge of communicating with his family and I’m only responsible for my parents and siblings. [/quote]

Cultural conditioning is very strong and clear on this.  You know why she did it.

I did the same thing.  I only made it about a year or so into our marriage before I realized that anytime I thought I was being thoughtful, his mother accused me of some sort of emotional war-fare and my feelings would be hurt.  Finally I realized I couldn't change her, I had to change ME.  So I also dropped the rope.  But I know many many women who still manage the in-laws, for a number of reasons.  For some it works out.  It did not for us.

I have realized that if you go looking for slights, you will find them.  Every time.  I hope I can be more gracious if I am ever a MIL one day.[/quote]

I am one of those people who never “picked up the rope” but I don’t think you ever did anything incorrect to begin with.

It is never wrong to be gracious and kind, but you should only be that way because you want to, not because you feel obligated.  Your MIL was way out of line and she is the one who was wrong.  I hope if I have a thoughtful DIL one day that it shows that I appreciate her and want to have a nice relationship with her, unlike the nightmares we hear so much about on this board.  Our families are not big on presents for adults but I loved my MIL very dearly and once in awhile I would get her a small gift and she would be nothing but delighted.[/quote]

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