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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]**I understand this is a privileged problem but its also a problem**

My inlaws were very successful immigrants and DH is an only child.  They have resented that we haven't let them excessively spoil our 3 kids like they want to (we're not talking about a few extra toys and treats....like really ridiculous things that would actually spoil the kids if allowed).  They do it to try to be the most loved / see huge reactions from the kids etc....its a very self serving desire to spoil and not in the kids interests to have their every wish granted and every burden relieved by throwing money at it.

They informed us on our last visit that they've established a trust for each child to get several million when they turn 18 and "its between us and our grandkids and there's nothing you can do about it".  We don't need the money ourselves, but I absolutely 100% DO NOT want my children to be given millions of dollars as a young adult.  I've seen kids lose motivation entirely when they can float by for awhile and see absolutely no good in this.  Why not set up a trust for when they're older so they still need to pick a career but have more flexibility to not have to save for retirement or some other way where an 18yo isn't being given a stupid amount of money when they're still trying to figure out life.

DH hates this also but is sticking his head in the sand b/c he feels enormous pressure and guilt from his parents.  Is there anything at all we can do about this?[/quote]

I think you are over reacting. Just because you think you have “seen” kids lose motivation because they have access to money does not make it so. There is no correlation. Does this have to do with your parents? You really need to stop and think why you are so angry about this. Your DH is not on your side and you  about to go to war with your ILs  for…what? I really feel you are charging windmills. [/quote]

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