Reply to S/O What Do You Expect Your Sex-Starved Spouse to Do?

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[quote=Anonymous]Do I count?  I've always wanted sex less than my spouse even when we were dating. I'm talking he's interested daily, I'm interested 3-4 times a week. We had two kids in 3 years and he pretty much did no parenting and wasn't particularly kind or understanding to how exhausted and drained I was. He didn't believe me either when I said it still hurt for a few months after the birth or that even a year plus later nursing affected my libido. Even when he felt like I was withholding, it's because we were doing it 1-2 a week instead of nightly like he wanted.

In retrospect, it was a communication issue. I heard, I want sex (read: any sex, not just sex with you). You'd better start putting out because these are my needs. How nice it would have been to hear that he understood how stressed I was and how could he help so I could relax enough to remember how to be a wife, to hear that he wanted sex so much with ME and not just as a basic need.

I felt like I was screaming "I need help!!!!" and he never stepped up. If he did try parenting, he ended up stomping around and yelling at the kids and being generally miserable and acting put upon. My desire for him was nil based on his complete disrespect for my needs.

Anyway, do I count as a withholding spouse?  How much of withholding is which spouse's fault?  I just think we need to be careful about saying to a spouse "you are signing your partner up for a lifetime of no sex and unless you let him/her sleep around you are a selfish horrible person." In many cases, I would suggest that the person who needs more sex is partly responsible for changing his/her behavior too. [/quote]

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