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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know they are with me too. We broke things off 3 years ago and I am just realizing that I’ve been physically ill from that loss the entire time. [b]I love my spouse and our relationship is better than ever. [/b]There are kids involved on both sides. Affair was several years long, we broke things off so I could see if I could repair my marriage and keep my family together. So I did do those things but I am completely and utterly broken. And I’m feeling very driven to show up at AP’s house, which I know is a terrible idea. If I’m still like this after 3 years, is it worth it? [/quote]

No, you don't.  If the bolded were true you wouldn't still be pining for someone who doesn't want you.

Did you go to therapy to see why you think it's fine to cheat?  [/quote]

The OP sounds as if she's locked in a very long version of "affair fog." Like the fog never lifted. OP, look up that term. You are calling it love for the AP but it sounds like a combination of affair-fog idealizing and some form of dissatisfaction with your "better than ever" relationship. What is the real root of the dissatisfaction? "I love the AP" is not an answer. What is it about the marriage that is not "better" by now? Not what is it about the AP that you think you love--that's not the question. What is it about the marriage, OP?

Also: It's been over for three years. Unless you and the ex-AP have been in touch, which itself would be utterly wrong, how do you know the AP is still the same person you thought you loved? How do you know the AP supposedly still loves you? People can change a great deal in three years, believe it or not, OP. You are risking everything for a fantasy that's frozen in time from three years ago. Get therapy pronto. [/quote]

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