Reply to How do you cope with witnessing your parent falling deeper and deeper into depression?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm in the same boat with my mother, but I get the added bonus that mom is an externalizer with depression and I am her scapegoat. Think rage fits. After years of trying to "rescue" her from her depression and her finally going on meds and then going off when she feels better (dozens of times) I have learned to set boundaries and detach with therapy for me. It's like dealing with an alcoholic. Sometimes they have to hit rock bottom to get help. Mom keeps reaching rock bottom and getting help and then stopping. Not my problem. I no longer tolerate being her verbal punching bag.[b] I have my own family I created and more stress than she could imagine. Honestly I have stopped reinforcing it any way. [/b]The only time I cheer her on is when she says she is getting help. Otherwise I change subject and leave. Don't go down with the ship![/quote]
Thanks so much. This is where I’m at—not reinforcing—and honestly, feeling so crappy each time. I don’t know why I try to make it my issue to solve. She won’t listen! But like you, I have my own life, and I have to focus on that. I just wish I didn’t let it make me feel like a horrible daughter. [/quote]

I did it for years. I found so many resources and kept encouraging her to socialize. It sucked the life out of me. She is so critical of the "crazies" who get therapy. She would finally go for a few sessions and declare herself cured. Therapy helped me feel much less guilty stepping back. Also, the rage fits made it so that I was going have a nervous breakdown if I kept engaging. I do not allow her tantrums anymore.

Your family you created needs you to take care of your own mental health and not get sucked into this vortex of misery. I wish I could tell you mom finally stopped trying to suck me in, but she continues and she escalates. Every single time though she gets so deep into despair she gets help and for  while when the meds have kicked in the therapy is in place she is OK. I also contacted the doctors. I would keep doing that. Eventually one might get through to her. That's what happened with my mom and I thought it would never happen. The doctor also read her the riot act about how often she abruptly goes off meds and how nutty she gets, but she still does it.

Please do not feel guilty detaching. You have a right to be healthy and to be stable for your family.[/quote]

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