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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I definitely went goth when I was going through severe depression. I too am all for self expression but it’s a red flag. I’ll post more about it when I get to a computer. [/quote]

Well, crap, I was hoping to find my favorite parenting book that I think has a bit about this issue, but I can't find it now (I think DD may have it somewhere in her room).

So as I'm sure you know, the issue is not how she's dressing. Her mental health is the issue, and the dress may or may not be a symptom of worsening mental health. I think goth and punk dress is a common symptom of mental health issues because the music and art that goes along with the aesthetic have heavy themes of depression, alienation, anxiety, etc. Goth and punk aesthetics can be great and totally artistic, but when a teenager does it it's usually about more than just the aesthetic. (Actually sometimes for adults too; Alexander McQueen was pretty messed up).

But I think you can still encourage her self-expression without encouraging her to be in a mentally unhealthy place. In fact, maybe your taking some interest in her new aesthetic (with the focus on aesthetic and not it being a cry for help) might actually help. It's important for a child to feel a sense of control and a sense of connection with their parent (if at all possible), and fashion could be a way to do that.

But you don't have to do that. It's also reasonable to say "hey black lipstick at home is fine but for me it's not appropriate for school, so you can't leave for school with it on and I'm not going to buy it for you." (In fact the book I like specifically mentions black lipstick). I would just try to be a good parent generally to her in other ways, like being responsive to bids for attention and emotional support.

This is the book by the way:

https://www.amazon.com/Untangled-Guiding-Teenage-Transitions-Adulthood/dp/0553393073

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