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[quote=Anonymous]My mother is like this. The way I deal with it is to set limits. For example, I never see her for more than 48 hours in a row even though we live across country. Long visits are a big no-no. So, put the brakes on those for sure. As for the demands for fresh muffins, etc., those are absolutely your husband's responsibility not yours. It's no surprise that he thinks these demands are no big deal - they're not, for him! It's no skin off his back if you are doing all the work. So, any time his parents want something, smile politely and tell him what they want and let him take care of it. Do NOT do it yourself. They are his parents and his responsibility. You can offer to help him by taking on more of the childcare while his parents visit, which will enable him to do the elder care. I would encourage you to be fully upfront about this with him. Tell him you can't handle taking care of everyone and that you would be happy to split responsibilities by taking on all the childcare to allow him to take care of his parents when they visit, but that you will not do both. Then enforce it. The water running... I think that's a sign of old age. Sorry. that just is what it is. Don't cry over spilled water. As for the comments, my shrink says that 99% of the time when people criticize they are actually projecting what they feel about themselves. So, when she tells you that you are a bad mother, what she really means is that she thinks she is a bad mother. The way I handle it with my mother is to change the subject by complimenting her. It works like a charm. Literally act like she has said nothing horrible at all and then ask her for her wonderful chicken recipe or whatever. She'll be flattered and the subject will change and she will start to think you are great because who doesn't love people who compliment them? [/quote]
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