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[quote=Anonymous]OP, you and I are similar.  My parent's marriage was dysfunctional and tumultuous.  I was parentified by my mother (didn't recognize it til adulthood) and she would confide in me as a child about my father and their marriage.  Looking back it was weird.  Things she told me, she should have shared with either a therapist or a good girlfriend of similar age.  She would try to turn my father into the evil one.  He wasn't evil. He wasn't the greatest husband but looking at it with adult eyes she wasn't a saint either.  She blamed him for everything, he was the easy scapegoat.  He died 12 years ago and she still continues to bad mouth him.  She still blames him for things today, even though he hasn't been alive in over a decade.  I get bothered when she says negative stuff.  I tell her I'd prefer to remember the positives.  She gets angry at me and says she's the victim and why don't I agree.  It's not that I don't remember the negatives.  It's just I choose not to focus on the negatives.  Just like when my mother dies I'm not going to bad mouth her. But will focus on her good qualities.  It's not that I'm in denial. And if I was having a frank conversation with a friend, I could easily talk about the good and the bad with my parents.  I just don't want the bad mouthing negativity to over ride.  I've never heard her say anything positive about him.  Both my parents were good people but they were I'll suited and it makes me sad that they didn't find better matches in life.  But that generation divorce was less common.  Although my mother even in recent years, blames me as a child for never having gotten a divorce.  Apparently at the age of 8, after another brawl, my mother told me that dad was leaving.  I apparently said something whole crying "what about dad, where will he go, he can't leave me...".  I'm guilty as charged for stopping a divorce at the age of 8.  [/quote]

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