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[quote=Anonymous]I remember something about this from a psychology class I took in college. I don't remember how this is grounded in psych theory or anything, but it struck me as incredibly good sense at the time and has stuck with me:

The ideal amount of self-confidence will result in the assumption that you are "as good" as anyone you meet. That's your default -- you meet a new person, and think "oh we are equals". Regardless of external indicators like how someone is dressed or presents themselves, or even how they talk. They might be more or less educated, have more or less money, etc. But you figure you are about equal as human beings and act accordingly (respectful but not deferential). I always aim for this when interacting with other people.

An overconfident person will assume they are superior to everyone they meet, and will refuse to treat others respectfully unless they have proven that they, too, are superior people. These people are exhausting and I avoid them like the plague because I hate having to audition for basic human decency. If you can't assume I'm worthy of basic respect upon meeting me, that's not evidence of my deficiency, it's evidence of yours.

An underconfident person assumes everyone they meet is better than them. They will be overly-deferential on everything, often put themselves down, etc. I don't avoid these folks but I am careful around them. They can be exhausting at time because they are often approval seeking. I actually went through a period of my life like this and it's horribly painful. I have a lot of empathy. But I also know from experience that the only way out of this is through your own work. I can't somehow force someone to see their own worth, or magically enlighten them. If this is you, you have to see that it's a problem and just work at it until you can value yourself again. It's tough. While in this process, I especially recommend you stay away from people who are overconfident because a lot of them will try to take advantage of you.

Anyway, my goal is the middle. I think it's a good one. The outliers have issues.[/quote]

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