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[quote=Anonymous]They remained married, but it was a pretty dysfunctional marriage. I let mom vent to me about him throughout childhood and beyond because I didn't know about boundaries, I looked up to her and wanted to please her. After he died I let it go for a while, but finally suggested she talk to a professional about her feelings because I preferred to enjoy my pleasant memories. I said I am sorry her experience with him was not what she wanted, but really what I haven't said is as I got to her know her as an adult I realize how toxic she can be and how she tried to poison us against him over the years. Anyway, she exploded when I suggested therapy or just talking to a friend. So now I just change the subject or leave, but it's so gross. She used to brag about visiting his grave a lot. I don't care about that. Just let me have my memories and stop trying to throw mud on them with all your marital problems. I won't let her trash him in front of my kids either. They loved their grandpa and he was a good one.

It's not just him. When in a bad mood she trashes her friends, her other family members. If you dislike so many people in your life then get help to figure out how to have more fulfilling relationships.

How do you handle it when your mom trashes your dad-living or deceased? I refuse to be her confidant or therapist when it comes to badmouthing someone I love.[/quote]

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