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[quote=Anonymous]My brother and ex SIL divorced 5 years ago. I travel to visit family at Christmas every other year, so 4 years ago I saw her - she had me and my kids I’ve got make cookies with her kids and we chatted a little. When I visited my family (parents and brother live near each other) in 2019, she and I texted about meeting up, but didn’t prioritize it, so I haven’t seen her since that visit 4 years ago. We text occasionally - she and my brother are very acrimonious and I don’t want to say anything she could use against him so my texts are things like “happy birthday, I hope it’s great!” Or “I saw your favorite movie was on TV tonight and thought of you. Hope all’s well”

About a month ago I said “I’ll be in the area these dates. It’s been a long time and I look forward to seeing everyone. I’m happy to give you space - I know it’s a busy time of year - but if you’d like to say hi over tea let me know.”

My brother and his wife (my family in general) are furious that I’ve offered to see her given how she’s treated him (according to them). I suspect the treatment is as bad as they say, but that he also treats her badly. The thing is, she’s my nephew’s mom. I do hope she’s doing well and she was in my life for over a decade. Moreover, if I see them every other year and staying friendly means I get an extra afternoon of my kids seeing their cousin that seems worth remaining cordial. But I probably sacrifice some family peace.

Part of me feels my allegiance is due to my brother and his family. Part of me feels that it’s ridiculous that they require their drama to also make me cut off a person who’s done nothing directly to me. I’d welcome advice. Thanks. [/quote]

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