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[quote=Anonymous]PP 23:21 here again.  DW and I discussed the issues a lot about how and when to tell the children.  We also spoke to professionals dealing with ARTS situations about how to discuss the issues.  One of the key elements is that you need to discuss their history with them in the most age-appropriate way.  Although we all want to shield our children from certain difficult truths, hiding those issues can end up causing greater problems if/when the truth comes out and it almost always comes out somewhere, somehow.  You want your children to know that you do not think there is anything wrong with the way that they were conceived.  You want them to know that you conceived them with love and with the best of intentions for them.

21:33/13:44.  You need to let your second child know that she is no less yours despite the fact that it was not your egg.  You tell her that for the love of her, you chose the way that would give her the best chance at a healthy life.  That in fact the choice to not use your own egg was an act of love, the deep well of love that you have for both of your children.

For 00:21, unfortunately, as we know, there are no guarantees when it comes to genetics.  While we know a lot more than we did 50 years ago, we're still just scratching the surface of genetics.  As I said, my DW's father and paternal grandmother both had the same syndrome.  In their case, there were no good treatments and they suffered severe vision loss in their later years that was very difficult.  The treatments in the last 10 years alone have been staggering and yet, my wife still has significant complications.  You have to talk with both of your children and let them know that all that you did for both of them, you did out of the overwhelming love you have for your children.  It wasn't that you didn't want to have a child like him.  You learned from your first experience, the same that all parents learn from their first child and make different decisions for a second and/or third child.  Let him know that you became a better parent from learning to raise him.  It's like how my parents used different parenting techniques on me (I'm the third) than they did on my siblings.  They've often admitted that they didn't know what they were doing with my brother (the first) but they did know better by the time I came along.

If you raise them with love and truth, they will blossom in your care.  Good luck to each of you.[/quote]

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