Reply to S/o How to get high conflict husband to go to therapy?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As my therapist tells me often, I cannot change him and I cannot force him to be ready to go on his own change journey - all I can do is change my reaction to him.

In my situation, this (my own therapy and developing tools) has led to a MUCH better marriage, including better boundaries, communication, etc.  But I am also very aware that for many people in this situation, their own therapy could lead to a decision to leave.  And that is totally okay, OP.

Make sure you are taking care of yourself rather than wishing he will change, and then see where your "change journey" takes you.[/quote]

I agree with this. You need to take care of yourself and your own boundaries. Leave the house if he raises his voice. Just drop everything and walk away.

I have given ultimatums in the past for anger management and DH has done a lot of work. But usually issues like that arise because your DH is in [b]fight or flight triggered by unresolved issues from the past[/b]. It can take years to unpack and resolve that stuff. My DH is probably 75% through that process so there has been a LOT of progress, yelling episodes are much less frequent. However men generally have low self awareness and getting them to the point they can recognize what their real fears are is not easy at all.[/quote]

This, plus untreated ADHD, is my DH.

We did see a therapist once but my DH just talked and ranted through all the sessions.  Once the therapist started suggesting stuff he didn't agree with, he decided the therapist was bad and we should stop.[/quote]

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