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[quote=Anonymous]I know two longterm open marriages.

In one the couple is open about being open but discreet about the details. I have met the wife's longterm boyfriend several times but otherwise don't know any details about their arrangement. They seem happy and solid. It all strikes me as very French somehow.

The other couple is messy af. Technically their marriage seems solid (they have two kids) but the wife is all over the place with her relationships and has a tendency to get involved with people from her work. She has major control issues and I think the allure of open marriage for her is trying to fill some bottomless pit that is her need for validation. She has two longterm girlfriends (one local, one long distance) and somewhere between 2 and 6 on and off things or flings. He has one longterm girlfriend that I know of and seems a lot more steady. I think they basically have to be open to serve her intense emotional needs but I seriously question whether it is a healthy arrangement or simply enabling a personality disorder on her part. I wonder how it all impacts their kids.

On the one hand I feel bad for judging them. But on the other hand, there's no reason I should know everything I do about their relationship and their (her) messiness feels highly attention-seeking. I probably wouldn't judge so much if she didn't so desperately need everyone to know her business all the time.[/quote]

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