One of DH’s old fraternity buddies has a permanent hall pass. His wife has lost all interest in sex and she gave him one. Despite having permission for years, he hasn’t acted with it because he doesn’t want to deal with the inevitable can of worms it may open up. He’s smart.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who do this. You have to be open minded and willing to work out all the details.

And find a spot on the maury show or jerry springer if its still on air.

No, it’s not like that. Much more common now than you would think. I am not sure exactly why. Guessing every generation has their version of this, from socially sanctioned lovers/mistresses to swinging to concubines. Monogamy and its variations is a very old human theme. This one is just a modern, sanitized version, in which we get comfortable with the fact that what individuals desire is very different from what a family or a society finds optimal.

Its all the same premise that is emotionally unavailable men sleep with all while having an avoidan t attachment type of personality. In other words therapy is needed for these individuals

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who do this. You have to be open minded and willing to work out all the details.

And find a spot on the maury show or jerry springer if its still on air.

No, it’s not like that. Much more common now than you would think. I am not sure exactly why. Guessing every generation has their version of this, from socially sanctioned lovers/mistresses to swinging to concubines. Monogamy and its variations is a very old human theme. This one is just a modern, sanitized version, in which we get comfortable with the fact that what individuals desire is very different from what a family or a society finds optimal.

I know two longterm open marriages.

In one the couple is open about being open but discreet about the details. I have met the wife's longterm boyfriend several times but otherwise don't know any details about their arrangement. They seem happy and solid. It all strikes me as very French somehow.

The other couple is messy af. Technically their marriage seems solid (they have two kids) but the wife is all over the place with her relationships and has a tendency to get involved with people from her work. She has major control issues and I think the allure of open marriage for her is trying to fill some bottomless pit that is her need for validation. She has two longterm girlfriends (one local, one long distance) and somewhere between 2 and 6 on and off things or flings. He has one longterm girlfriend that I know of and seems a lot more steady. I think they basically have to be open to serve her intense emotional needs but I seriously question whether it is a healthy arrangement or simply enabling a personality disorder on her part. I wonder how it all impacts their kids.

On the one hand I feel bad for judging them. But on the other hand, there's no reason I should know everything I do about their relationship and their (her) messiness feels highly attention-seeking. I probably wouldn't judge so much if she didn't so desperately need everyone to know her business all the time.

Anonymous wrote:I have friends who do this. You have to be open minded and willing to work out all the details.

And find a spot on the maury show or jerry springer if its still on air.

I have friends who do this. You have to be open minded and willing to work out all the details.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, one of my ex-bf and his wife are poly amorous. She’s his third wife. His second wife suggested the lifestyle then she got jealous when he was seeing someone else. Meanwhile, she was pregnant and they weren’t sure whose baby it was until it was born…

Banjos playing

Yes, one of my ex-bf and his wife are poly amorous. She’s his third wife. His second wife suggested the lifestyle then she got jealous when he was seeing someone else. Meanwhile, she was pregnant and they weren’t sure whose baby it was until it was born…

Me and will Smith have the same birthday but I'm far too jealous to be open

I have one friend who is part of a three person monogamous, closed relationship. They seem very happy/stable together.

I have two other friends who are in an open marriage; one definitely seems to date outside the marriage more than the other but they both have very happy social lives and their marriage seems solid together.

Anonymous wrote:My marriage was open at the insistence of my spouse, but just for me when sex became to difficult for them. It worked out great. Much better than I could have imagined.

Because they did it out of love for you, which is probably different than the reasons most people have to open their marriage.

Anonymous wrote:My marriage was open at the insistence of my spouse, but just for me when sex became to difficult for them. It worked out great. Much better than I could have imagined.

Was? Is it over now?

My marriage was open at the insistence of my spouse, but just for me when sex became to difficult for them. It worked out great. Much better than I could have imagined.

Funny, I was just reading about this today. Thought they ended it after a few years of exploration.

Are you or anyone you know who is married in this kind of arrangement?

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith apparently are.