Reply to Falling in and out of love with the person you married

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[quote=Anonymous]I don't know that I would say I have fallen out of love, perhaps because I have always been taught that love is action, not emotion. If I don't feel those good feelings that come from love, like safety, trust, support, and a desire to do the same, I act. I write down things I like about my husband; everything from "he took care of me after my surgery" to "he looks good with scruff." I try to put things in perspective and remember that the flaws he has are just flaws, not real impediments to having a good relationship. I think about how I can show love to him in a way that is genuine had freely given (not in an "I have to do this" way that might build resentment).

As far as attraction goes, have you ever felt more attracted to somebody after you got to know them? Or felt less attracted to somebody after you got to know them a bit? I am convinced that maybe 99% attraction is a choice. I could be wrong, and I would never suggest somebody should try to be attracted to somebody they aren't in a relationship with, but when I look for the good in my spouse, the attraction follows.

But you are totally normal. I don't know very many people in long-term marriages who have never lost feelings of attraction and good feelings toward their spouse. But I firmly believe that two good people can always get back to a good place. (But for what it's worth, I also firmly believe that getting back to a good place shouldn't always be the goal)[/quote]

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