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[quote=Anonymous]About two years ago, my ILs moved to be closer to us. They are both in their 70s. We see them frequently and my husband helps them a lot with logistics like plane ticket, insurance, whatever they need. I am also happy to support them when needed.

But my MIL is fixated on us coming over to her house every weekend for a meal. No other meet up plan seems to work for her. If I invite her to my house, she insists that we come to  her place instead. If we ask to meet for a picnic, that also seems to cause drama. We did this for father's day and she insisted on doing all the cooking for the picnic, even though I told her everyone likes to eat at the excellent snack bar at the beach. Well, we had to lug 4 bags of food to the beach, and no one ate lukewarm, soggy food from home and everyone wanted chicken tenders, which put her in a bad mood the rest of the picnic. I could not exactly blame my daughter for wanting ice cream over lukewarm custard.

Twice we have made plans to meet them at a restaurant or an event, and she has reluctantly agreed - but then on the day-of I get a text from my FIL saying she isn't feeling well. She isn't sick. I called to check on her the next day and she was at a friends' house.

When we go to her house she is totally overbearing - we have to eat everything. And she comments on how little each of us is eating. She spends a lot of time cooking and seems totally exhausted.

Is this some kind of controlling behavior? Or maybe defining her self-worth through feeding people that is getting worse with age? I get the sense my husband also finds the behavior strange, although this isn't something he openly talks to me about. My FIL generally has no say in the plans - he does everything she wants.

Any insights?

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