Reply to how can a teen be made to confront faulty thinking if its never addressed- vent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, its very very possible that because of her history I am having a harder time seeing "normal teen". I am going to be re-reading the Untangled book, which was really helpful. I was shocked to see so many recognizable things because at the time they were happening the context was different.

So, I guess Ive not ever had a chance to see her "normal" teen behavior because while she became a teen she was depressed to the point of thinking she wont make it to her 20's because she will commit suicide.

I give her a lot of space and I don't sweat the small stuff. But when SHE sweats the small stuff its like omg it happening again.[/quote]

There ya go!  I found it helpful to wait until things had calmed down with my DD, and then say to her "I want to talk to you really quickly about before, with the dishwasher. We don't need to dwell on it, but do you think it was reasonable for me to think you'd be emptying the dishwasher since you said you wanted that chore and then started doing it? And why I asked you when you didn't do it?" and then she could respond, "But couldn't you see I'd gotten in a fight with my friend and was studying for a test with my hardest teacher and couldn't worry about emptying a dishwasher when I had important things going on?"   Then I could see her perspective. And I could say "So during times of high stress you want to be exempt from your chores, is that it?"  And we could discuss if that was reasonable.  But it was really important to keep those talks to 2-3 minutes. No more.[/quote]

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