Reply to Three-year-old defiance

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[quote=Anonymous]Make sure you are teaching him what TO do, rather than just telling him what NOT to do.  When you tell them what not to do, that triggers their impulse to do it.

So: If he is about to put something behind the couch "Give that to me please" or "Put that here."  If he is poking the dog, either redirect his poking "Poke the ground" or get up, gently take the stick, and show him how to pet the dog nicely.

And then, praise praise praise very very happily when he does it right, in that moment.

If he messes up, ask him right in that moment to "try it again," show him how to do it the right way, and then ask him to do it, and praise praise praise. And then redirect him to something positive like play.

And don't keep asking him to do something over and over again... if he is about to put something by the couch and still seems intent on doing it after you have asked once or twice, you need to get up, gently and calmly block the thing from going behind the couch and then do the "try it again" where he puts it in your hand.

And don't worry- parenting a 3 year old is exhausting- hang in there- stay strong and calm- be a teacher, a re-director, a helper, and his leader and he will get it eventually.  You may need to teach him over and over again, but he will mature and his executive function will improve and you will be amazed that things that were challenging a year ago, he is getting down.  Good luck Mama!

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