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[quote=Anonymous]Agree that there shouldn't be an announcement or discussion, just do it.

You may want to google the grey rock method. Basically, you become uninteresting to them because you refuse to allow them to trigger you and don't fill their narcissistic supply.

Only respond to the question asked and not offer any more information. If they ask, "can we get together next weekend?", you reply, "We're not available next weekend."  You don't explain why, you don't offer an alternate date, you don't respond to any of their manipulative BS ("But we never see you! The grandkids have probably forgotten us. I guess you're just so busy and important, you don't have time for us. Who do you think you are, etc etc"). You don't try to fill the silence or mollify their anger. Keep all interactions/discussions short and factual. If they press on, it's "asked and answered" and then, "we have discussed this, and the conversation is now over."

If you do choose to spend time with them, I would choose a public place with a finite timeframe. Don't go to their house or invite them to yours.

Similar to a PP above, I just explained to my son that grandpa can't control his anger and treat people respectfully and has been extremely unkind to me and many others for a very long time. My son has witnessed some of his outbursts and unacceptable behavior, so he understood with minimal explanation. We've discussed that while we have compassion for people who have issues like grandpa, it doesn't mean we have to let them hurt us. He doesn't really ask about him anymore.

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