Reply to If you used to be a non-observant Jew, what made you become ultra Orthodox/Lubbavitcher?

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Reply to "If you used to be a non-observant Jew, what made you become ultra Orthodox/Lubbavitcher? "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]“Just about the only thing I don't like is the separation of men/women during services, but nothing is perfect.”

This is OP. Um, this is kind of a biggie and tells me a lot. [/quote]
NP. Yes, as a Conservative Jewish woman, separate seating is a deal breaker for me. I like to read Torah. I like my daughters to see women as Jewish leaders. My husband and I tried modern/open orthodox for a while before we had kids and we both found gendered seating to be distracting and alienating, especially on the high holidays when we like to have the comfort of family while davening. I've been to Orthodox shuls where the seating was side-by-side with a waist-high mechitza and where the women were up in the balcony. Regardless, the separation is obvious. In the balcony, the rabbi never once acknowledged that we were up there. And then there's counting in a minyan and if you want to talk about not feeling like a valued member of the community, "not counting" when someone needs to say kaddish is one of the worst feelings.

I also think that Chabad's statement that "a Jew is a Jew is a Jew" regardless of Reform, Conservative or Orthodox background (as described by PP) should have an asterisk next to it, because the small print is that "a Jew is a Jew" only as they define it by Orthodox standards. So you can be a Reform or Conservative Jew (through conversion, patrilineal descent, the child of a mother who converted, etc), and not actually be a Jew in the eyes of Chabad. They might still engage you and welcome you at their events, but if they know your personal background, you're not really a Jew to them. Other Orthodox groups obviously also only count Jews by their own Jewish standards, but they don't try to present themselves otherwise, so it doesn't bother me.

Back to the original question, I have a (female) cousin who became ultra Orthodox (not Chabad) as an adult and she really values her community.
1. She has felt supported at times of personal loss and celebrated when her family has marked simchas. I would say the same about my Conservative community.
2. She likes that her Jewish community and her neighbors are one-and-the-same, because they all have to live within walking distance of shul. I can see the appeal of that and it would be nice if we didn't have drive 20-30 minutes to a friend's house for Shabbat dinner. The distance doesn't stop us from hosting and being hosted regularly (pre-Covid), but it would be nice if the radius was closer.
3. She feels that the prescribed gender roles provide structure to her family life and that defined laws and learning for women provide a Jewish lens for her lived experience. I find it exclusionary and constraining, personally.[/quote]

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