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[quote=Anonymous]Adoptive mom of three kids for whom I have no information about their fathers.  With my kids, this came up a lot between the ages of about 3.5 and maybe six or seven.  I just kept it simple and said "I don't know" or "last information I had , he was . . .".  Every now and then, they would make up stories about some fantasy dad.  I would just ask"is that how you would have liked it to be?". The way I've always thought about it is this.  I truly don't know the answers to my kids' questions.  I will neither romanticize their past nor vilify the people who gave them up.  It's not that I don't judge in my own mind.  But, I don't think it's fair to pass along my assumptions to my kids.

Unlike PP, I would never say something like he/she proposes about the father not being ready for the commitment.  I might feel that way, again, I'm going to let my kids reach their own conclusions with the information they gather through their lives, including what I know and can share with them.

One thing I will add.  Based on your question, I am assuming that your child hasn't hit the point in school where family trees and family history is a big topic.  These issues hit really hard When these assignments come up.  If you can, you might want to find out from parents of older kids when you can expect these assignments so you are not blindsided.[/quote]

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