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[quote=Anonymous]Agree with PPs that you have to stay cordial and kind to the best of your ability.

The relationship that needs attention on this issue is with your DH. If his mom has certain qualities, but especially if she likes to violate boundaries and privacy, you need to make sure he will back you up on this issue. This doesn't mean he needs to take sides against his mom, just that he needs to agree with you that it's not okay for her to do certain things that cross a line.

My DH is relatively close to his family, but he doesn't tolerate their BS when it comes to me, and that helps everything move smoothly. I do the same thing for him with my family. We both have some total nutters (or just extremely annoying) in our families, and we basically just reached an agreement that we don't inflict these people on each other except where necessary to keep the peace. So I run interference for him with my parents, who can be a lot, and he runs interference for me with his mom and brother. And that makes it a million times easier for both of us to be cordial and kind when we are together because we've sorted all this out between the two of us and we get each other's backs.

But you've got to have these convos with your DH in advance -- don't wait until the issue becomes critical. I actually did hit a point one time during my postpartum period where I laid down the law a bit with his family. But my DH's response was "it had to be said." Because we'd talked about it before and he knew what it took to get me to that point. And thus he was also able to smooth things over afterwards.[/quote]

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