Reply to Anyone else think their raging, angry DH might be on the spectrum? How do you cope?

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Reply to "Anyone else think their raging, angry DH might be on the spectrum? How do you cope?"

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[quote=Anonymous]DH goes into these "states" where he can be explosive, goes into rages, then withdraws for days at a time.  Or, he's grumpy, critical, in a bad mood, finds fault with everything I do, and is just downright mean and insulting.  Then, after a few days, he snaps out of it.  When he's not in one of his "states," he's a pleasure and it's great being around him, although those times are becoming fewer and farther between.  He doesn't cheat or have substance abuse problems or anything like that, and does well financially.

I could not understand what was going on until my DS was diagnosed with ADHD, and I learned all about that and also ASD.  Then something clicked and it all made sense.  I believe my DH might be ADHD/ASD.  It's hard, because not only is my DH this way, but my DS is a very difficult child and is showing some similar personality traits.  I feel like not only did I get tricked by my DH into thinking he was different than he really is, but now these terrible traits have been passed along to one of our children.  It's tough to live with both of them, and I fear for my child's future.  We can't divorce because, besides me not feeling like he's competent to actually raise our kids half the time, it would be too emotionally and financially devastating on us and the kids. I wouldn't even know where to start.

He treats me like an object, not a person with actual feelings.  I feel like I'm living through trauma and probably have PTSD, although it never ends because I can't get away from it.  I am slowly dying inside.  Sometimes I feel like the stress will literally kill me, and then my kids lives will be ruined too.  Other times, I feel like I'm overreacting and being ungrateful, and that I should show gratitude for the good times and all that we have, and understand that he just has a disability that I have to accept and that he's doing the best that he can.

This is a man I loved and trusted so much, I took my time in my dating life and felt so confident and sure that marrying him was the right thing.  Masking is real, I now believe he did this to me in our early years.  Although he hasn't actually cheated, I often feel completely tricked and betrayed.  It's just too heavy a load for me.  It's devastating and becoming unbearable.

Am I the only one?  How do you cope and get through it?

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