Reply to Help for DW who was abused/neglected as a child and who is struggling parenting?

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Reply to "Help for DW who was abused/neglected as a child and who is struggling parenting?"

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[quote=Anonymous]My mother grew up in an abusive household. Emotionally, she held us at arms length. She equated love/motherhood with abuse and in her attempt to not repeat the process she felt that she couldn't get too close to us or she would continue the pattern. It took a lot mental and emotional energy for her to not repeat those patterns with her own kids so she had little to nothing else emotionally left at the end of the day anyway.  Maybe there is a happy medium but maybe not. Maybe it just takes a generation of sacrifice.  My mother did break the pattern - she was never physically abusive towards us but she was emotionally distant.  My father filled in emotionally for what my mother couldn't do. It was not perfect but as an adult I realize she did the best she could. I realize how trying kids are and she had 5 of them and did not resort to any physical punishment but I am sure it was hard especially back when spanking was quite the norm.

Now, for my own kid, I have the advantage of not having to expend the mental or emotional effort to avoid physically hurting my child and can focus on being emotionally connected.

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