Reply to Anyone spend less money because they don’t want to “look rich”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You sound like you are wasting time and energy pretending to be something you are not.[/quote]

I would not go this far, but I do think this raises an important point.

OP, I have a friend who is somewhat like you, though her upbringing was not as modest. But she and her husband definitely have more money than most the people they socialize with, both due to her husband's job and due to pretty extensive family resources/support on both sides.

Back when they were dating and newly married, she was really ostentatious about money and flaunted it a lot. Brand new wardrobe every year, would post selfies of her outfits on social media and tag the designers so you knew it cost $$, lots of photos of luxury and foreign travel, photos and posts about eating at Michlin starred restaurants, etc. And she was like this in person too -- lots of brags about travel and positioning herself as an expert on fashion and luxury because she could afford that stuff. It was off-putting.

I think she got a little blowback about this at some point, because she somewhat suddenly stopped posting about this stuff quite so much. No more clothing posts at all, and would only post occasionally about travel or expensive restaurants, but far less than I knew she was actually doing those things. I think she realized that, given the socioeconomic status of her social status, her previous behavior might have been alienating and made her dislike her. Good for her -- that shows some self awareness and it was honestly a relief to not be inundated with her consumption so much. She also started talking about and posting about social issues and charity more often. Again, good for her. Growth.

Except... I've noticed that she has started kind of playacting at being middle/working class lately. Like once she realized that flaunting her wealth made people resent her, and once she saw that people maybe liked her more or warmed to her more easily if they didn't immediately know she had money, she decided to test how far it would go. Now I hear her complain about how much groceries cost sometimes, or talk about the cost of bus fares. And she posts about this stuff online too. I know her financial situation has not changed. I find it weird and actually more off-putting than when she used to flaunt her wealth. Like she's trying to convince people that she has less money than she does, instead of simply being a bit more humble and less ostentatious about her wealth. It gives me an icky feeling.

So I'd just be cautious about this. It's a good idea not to flaunt your wealth in a way that feels like a brag -- that's just tacky. But don't go pretending you are something else because that can actually make people more angry than flaunting your wealth. You are rich. Own it. If you want a custom home, build a custom home. You don't have to post about the entire process on Facebook, but don't go acting like you can't afford it or pretending your new car or family vacation is something you scrimped and saved for. Just be honest but not braggy. It's not that hard. I'm middle class, and I don't walk around trying to convince people we live in poverty, that would be weird. But I also don't brag to friends in precarious financial situations about our beach vacation or redecorating my DD's room, because that's tacky. It's not really that hard of a line to walk.[/quote]

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