Reply to 6 months post-affair and still struggling

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I hope you're not continuing to provide the expensive extras DH enjoys.

Granted, I'm just now at the tail end of my own divorce, so I know that my experience is coloring my response to you. But, my dear sister, please do not act as though it is upon you to navigate this whole thing. He has GOT to bring something to the process or it's just a huge waste of your energies.

I'd say, take a big step back. Stop "working on it" and let him know that it is his turn. Put things in place that incentivize action on his part---if only by removing some of the luxury of the status quo.

To provide a stereotype that resonates nonetheless: Men don't understand words, but action. Get a new therapist for yourself. Drop the couples work. Make beautiful plans for the children and yourself this holiday season. Allow DH  to experience a bit of what life is going to be like unless he seriously rethinks his arrogant position.

You had me at "300%" sister. [/quote]

Agree with this totally.  I'm the other cheated on poster.  As soon as he told me, I gave my husband a list of my terms - including that he was to find and pay for a therapist and a full STD check.  He was to schedule the appointments, get me there, get childcare if necessary, everything.  All I do is show up.  It was really really difficult for me to put this all one him since I'm a big planner, but I think it was one of the best things I did.  I told him he had "made this bed" and now he was to fix it.  And he stepped up.[/quote]

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