Reply to 6 months post-affair and still struggling

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[quote=Anonymous]Hey OP - just wanted to reach out to you. My husband had a one night stand (well actually a three night stand) 5 months ago so I can sort of relate.  It was just sex for my husband and he told me immediately and has been working his ass off ever since to prove that he wants me back. Even with all that he's done, I still feel angry and hurt and I still cry once a week about it. But I feel definite progress. For us, there were problems in our marriage beforehand but we are lucky that we have found a great marriage counselor who is working through both my feelings about the affair and our marriage issues in general. At this point, I feel like we are both relieved that it happened almost because we're getting to a place where the marriage feels stronger than ever. I would NOT be feeling this way if my husband wasn't acting 110% committed.

At the six month point you've given him enough time to prove he wants you back and it doesn't sound like he's acting in the ways you need him to. At this point, it sounds to me like for one you need a new counselor. Forget the money, it is worth every penny if you can either get to a great place with your husband OR get to a place where you are great on your own. This is not something to skimp on. But since it doesn't sound like he's been putting up anything at all, I think the next thing you need to do is give him a wake up call. It sounds like he's been riding the gravy train as it were and now he has made a major mistake and YOU are still paying for HIS mistake. No more. Tell him how you feel. Demand that he listen and help you through these feelings or you WILL leave him. And know that you will. Because it will not get any better if something doesn't change. Have you read about 180?  Something like that might help you in thinking about what you need to do. Not to be manipulative, but to help you start demanding what you need and letting him know that you are important too. [/quote]

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