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[quote=Anonymous]So I found out my husband was cheating 6 months ago and I feel exactly the same now as I did when I found out in May...anger and total humiliation.  We've been in counseling and he's apologized a few times ("I know what I did was dumb and that I made a mistake"), but overall I get the sense that he's forgotten it and can't understand why I'm still thinking about it.  And our therapist started out by talking about how the affair was likely a result of prior problems in our marriage (which apparently I was too dense to see because I didn't know we had any problems)...and I felt like that was similar to saying a rape victim has something to do with the rape because she wore a short skirt.  I mean....there may or may not have been problems in our marriage, but that's not the same as having an affair.  And our counseling keeps focusing on our marriage in general.   So for the first month my husband was still having contact with this woman and was acting like I was the "gestapo" for wanting to go through his phone and was the crazy one saying he needed to cut off all ties.  Plus our therapist keeps giving his complaints merit that I'm so controlling and focusing on me and my issues while ignoring this blatant violation of our marriage vows.

Fast forward 6 months and I'm still totally devastated and feel like I'm married to a complete loser.  I've tried, in earnest, to get up to speed on how to "recover" by reading books, am alone paying for our marriage counseling and my own therapy (to the tune of $325 a week which is NOT easy for us to afford) and can't even get my husband to find the time (his words, not mine) to read one book that I think articulates really well what I am feeling.

We have two little kids, which is definitely the only reason I'm even bothering.  But I outearn my husband by 300% and am the sole owner of our house.  He has very expensive taste and loves to spend money, but makes very little of his own and constantly berates me that I save "too much" and don't know how to live in the present.  At this point I don't even love him any more and feel like he's just a huge drain on me emotionally and financially.  He's a good dad, but I can definitely do all this stuff without him and often wish he weren't around since he's usually just complaining about his job not being fulfilling enough or how he doesn't have this or that.

I guess I'm venting more than asking for help.  I feel like I already know that divorce seems like a true improvement over the life I'm leading currently.  I just feel so angry ALL THE TIME.  I feel like I'm being used, and yet I should likely be angry with myself for letting this charade continue.  Don't I deserve better than this?  IS this normal for me to feel this way?  Am I throwing in the towel too fast because I'm still so hurt?  Am I seeing the wrong marriage therapist?  And yet I've already invested so much time and $$$, I'm loaathe to start over with somebody else?  Did I mention I'm also trying to hold down a demanding job and I don't actually have time to see all these therapists???  Can you hear the resentment?  I feel like I'm married to a selfish asshole and I just want out to try to cut my losses.[/quote]

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