Reply to I grieved end of marriage, now he wants to work on it

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[quote=Anonymous]DH and I have been in couples therapy for about 6 weeks. This came after issues over the years and me suggesting we go to therapy and his refusal, followed by months of being emotionally distant from one another, and a (pre-covid) dinner out earlier this year that made me realize our marriage is over. He pretty much explicitly said "I'm not going to change in this way." I felt he was consistently ignoring my partnership needs even after I would approach him over and over. After that dinner I more or less shut down from even trying to have a relationship with him. Then a few months ago he seemed to finally notice, and and consider that it's serious, and announced he wanted to go to therapy after all and work on things.

I have been confused about my feelings and struggling with whether I even want it to work out, and after some reflecting I realized this weekend it feels like I mourned the end of our marriage in the spring, and the damage is done -- and maybe that my feelings toward him romantically have permanently changed. I am trying to be open about it and consider how to get beyond all the hurt and resentment from the years past, but 1) I don't know how to genuinely let go of all that, 2) I don't know what I am expecting in return to signal that things are and will be different, and 3) I don't even know if I want to forgive and move on?

Anyone had this experience?[/quote]

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