Reply to s/o How do you politely, but without lying, reject overtures of friendship?

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[quote=Anonymous]I think people are being overly harsh to OP. Adult female friendships are a different weird beast then they have been my whole life. I feel like making friends with other moms or in a new place is almost like dating. And there are definitely 100% moments where people make a gesture that brings the friendship the the next level. Will we be friends that can text each other casually? Will we be friends that hang out alone and outside of a 'group' or social even structure (like are we happy hour friends or 'talk on the sideline of larla's soccer game' friends?). Are we vacationing together friends? Are we 'friendship will quickly dissolve if our children start to dislike each other' friends? Could we be COUPLE friends?

These are all like, different 'levels' that I feel like people are constantly feeling out. And it takes one or the other to propose a meeting or an event or something to move up. I had a colleague start texting me after work about shows she was watching. She took the first step there. And I was thrilled because I really wanted to be her friend! And then we became 'text about anything' friends, big step up the ladder! Conversely I have been on the other side when I suggest like, a coffee, and the woman pulls back and seems reluctant to commit to THAT level of relationship.

It takes effort to maintain and support friendships and people know when they're up against that limit and when to keep potential friends a little more at arm's lenght.

I do agree though that if you're super blunt about it, the only thing you accomplish is closing that door forever.

I was in a mom's group and thought I had some friendship potential with one mom. She responded to like, zero of my overtures and never reached out. So I got the message, she doesn't consider me BFF material, but she wasn't mean about it, and we're friendly when we see each other out. Both of us are leaving the door open for some time in the future when it might work out. IMO this is preferable to saying "I don't want to be friends with you" which is hurtful and will shut the door forever. [/quote]

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