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[quote=Anonymous]My mom does things like this. Even in criticizes my brother, she gets digs in, like "Can you believe he wasted a gazillion dollars on that &lt;insert luxury item&gt; here" which comes as a dig re: our not having as much $$ or as many material things.

My replies are:

1) I remember that you said that. 
2) Hmmmm
3) What color is it? What is it called again? Where did they find that? (This is a ....tell me more about the content of what the other person was saying. You can't? Oh. You don't actually listen to them, either.)
4) Oh. I am happy for them. 
5) I was just so happy that they were able to ....(in this case, "find a use for everything we bought').

The kindness is off-putting and changes the tone.

I agree with those who say to watch your triggers.

Mothers sometimes know how to push your buttons, because they installed them.

There is a whole philosophy called Grey Rock, which you can find on other posts. It works, but there is also a nice cheap wine called Grey Rock. I buy it over the holidays.

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