Reply to How did you know your spouse would be a good parent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I thought he would be a good parent because he worked with kids and was good with friends' kids and his nieces/nephews. Turned out he was not well suited to the baby/toddler years but has a good relationship with our kids now. [/quote]

My husband is similar. He was great with his niece and he’s incredibly calm and patient, so I thought he’d be a great dad.

He’s really not so great with our very young kids (ages 2 and 4). He’s just not very energetic and is kind of lazy. I have to insist he brush our kids teeth (or just do it myself). I have to insist he turn the tv off or he’d let them watch 6-8 hours a day. It just kind of sucks having to be the grown up. I’m bitterly disappointed but keep reminding myself at least he works (I do too, but at least he’s not a total louse), and I try not to blame myself for marrying him and making babies with him. I really didn’t know he’d be this passive and low energy. [/quote]

Same happened with me. Lesson learned: it's really easy to be great with someone else's kids, because you skip the day-to-day drudgery and hand them back to mom and dad when the fun is over.

A huge red flag I missed is that DH (and his parents) were the "fun" uncle/grandparents. Always buying nieces/nephews candy, treats, toys, movies, etc. But no real relationship beyond that. I thought it was sweet he was always sending them gifts, even though his siblings had asked him to stop. It ended up the same with our kids - lots of junk food and screen time, junk toys everywhere, no rules or boundaries in place.

In retrospect, I wish I had paid closer attention to DH's father, because that's essentially who DH has become. If I could do it over again, I'd pick someone with a great father as a role model and who had extensive experience with actually caring for kids (not just being the fun uncle they see at holidays). [/quote]

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