Reply to How did you know your spouse would be a good parent?

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[quote=Anonymous]I think if you have to ask, chances are they might not make a great parent. They might not suck, but probably won't be great. My BIL is like this: never really wanted kids but was ok with having them, workaholic, spends time with the kids on outings and vacations but he's not into the day to day parenting.  My sister is a stay at home mom, and they worked this out ahead of time.  She knew he would not be a hands-on dad, but she told me it still made her a little sad that he did not change after having the kids. She thought he would fall in love with the baby like she did, but it didn't happen. But she knew what she was getting into.

I had a feeling my DH would be a good parent because he is kind and loving, gentle with animals yet firm when training our puppy.  He also is a lot of fun and loves to play games and sports. Most importantly, he was highly motivated to have kids-- he talked about kids even before we were married, I guess to make sure we were on the same page.  He never babysat and the first baby he held was after we already were married (his niece) but he said that he always knew he wanted kids. I felt the same.  We were both very irresponsible party people in college and young adulthood, so you would not have known either of us would be good parents just through observation.  We now have kids and are both very involved.

I wish you the best.  I described my sisters situation in case it was relevant-- 20 years later they are still married, 2 kids, and seem relatively happy (of course, any marriage is hard!).  My sister has the kids she always wanted.  Sure, there are trade-offs, but there always are some.  Try to look clearly at your partner's personality traits, and if possible, have a no judgment conversation in which you both are honest about feelings and goals.[/quote]

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