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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You may have to hire a certified home health aide. Let them know exactly what you need. They should be able to help.

However - the way you describe your mom makes me wonder if she will agree to all of this - allowing someone outside the family to help, paying for it, etc. Will that conversation be any easier than the car ride itself?

By the way - if your mom calls you an “over-sensitive baby” then so be it. It sounds like you find it incredibly difficult not to internalize her abuse. I’m glad you are setting boundaries so you don’t compromise your own health and well-being. But perhaps some CBT to give you some tools in your toolbox to manage these overwhelming feelings triggered by your mother’s behavior,, would be beneficial.

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OP here. Thanks. Therapy is what helped me decide to say no to ever driving her to a procedure again and to set boundaries. I have done CBT and when she is shrill and angry no amount of CBT makes it easier which is why I need to step back. She does not have a choice. She either accepts someone else takes her or she is on her own. The conversation is easier than dealing with her because the line is drawn. I will provide resources and if she rejects it all or refuses to pay (and she's loaded and tries to manipulate with that as well) that is on her. I do what I feel is right which is research options by getting ideas here and other places and then seeing what reviews I can find, etc. If she lashes out and calls me a selfish horrible child (wait she already did that when I brought it up) it is not nearly as painful as anticipating dealing with her, actually dealing with her for the ordeal when her anxiety is high and then recovering from dealing with her.) Basically by doing this I convince myself yes, I may be into self-care enough to refuse a situation where the abuse is not escapable, but I am not so selfish that I won't help her locate people she can pay to help her.

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