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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH is like this and we are both from the US.

I see the toys and clutter issue as separate from the respect and appreciation issue. It's difficult to tell how much is too much but maybe you can box up some of the toys your son has outgrown and save them for your younger child but keep them in storage until they're needed.

I see the age-inappropriate demands for respect and appreciation from very young children as a much bigger problem. My DH has been like this since our kids were very young and he has never let up. Now that our son is a teen he expects the teen to have an adult level of understanding and appreciation for "everything we do" to give him a home. We are UMC, not struggling at all, but he expects our son to express effusive praise and appreciation every time we buy him a tee shirt or pack of socks. Saying thank you is not even close to enough. It's to the point where I try to avoid giving my son things in front of my DH because it will devolve into a huge argument about our son's lack of gratitude and respect. He regularly says if he had responded the way our son did on something his father would have "knocked him out of his chair". I am starting to worry that the anger and verbal abuse will cross over into physical abuse.

It may be worth going to parenting classes or counseling with your DH to have an expert explain age-appropriate expectations. I wish I had.[/quote]

My mother was similar to your DH.  For her, it was clearly tied to her ego.  If she bought me something, even if I didn't like it, she wanted to hear "Oh my god, Mommy I LOVE it, You are SO awesome for having thought of me and gotten this for me! I love you so much, thank you so much!" and then I was to brag to everyone in the house one by one about what a great thing my mother got me.  She told me I was awful for telling her I didn't like something she got me, and tried to say I don't know manners. I told her that i thought as my mother I should be able to tell HER if I didn't like a present. Especially because she always bought me things SHE'D have liked at my age, rather than things I actually liked.

Guess what? Any gift or card I gave her was always somehow wrong. Even as an adult. In our family we do "want lists" and if I bought her exactly what her list said it would still somehow be wrong. So I just stopped getting her anything. Now all she gets is a text for her birthday and that's it. [/quote]

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